Okay, so now I’m eating slightly more. It was supposed to give me energy and make me feel better. Before, I was like a zombie during the day. Vacant, no concentration, the attention span of a teaspoon and frankly… not completely there. I felt like I wanted to sleep forver. My feet felt like lead, [...]
Archive for December, 2008
It’s neverending
Posted in Uncategorized on December 28, 2008 | 1 Comment »
Another Letter, My Dear Friends;
Posted in Uncategorized on December 27, 2008 | 1 Comment »
My Dear Friends, I need you now more than I have ever needed anyone in my whole life. I know you care. I know you love me. But it’s hard to remember that during the lonely times, the down times, the dark times and the hard times. I pretended fasting, restricting and ana were hard. [...]
Just told my ana buddy…
Posted in Uncategorized on December 26, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
I just told Lyndsey, one of my support network of ana buddies, that I’m going to try and get better. She was really nice about it. I think she feels a bit betrayed, but I think she’s happy for me at the same time. I hope the others will be so understanding. The thing is… [...]
Hated and Alone
Posted in Uncategorized on December 24, 2008 | 1 Comment »
Today, I thought I’d spend some time with my family. So I went downstairs. I braved the kitchen and the risk of food, because I need to be able to handle it to get better anyway. And I sat with them. And I watched telly. I haven’t done that in ages. Not for ages and [...]
Just some pretty pictures
Posted in Uncategorized on December 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Don’t worry!! It’s not thinspiration. It’s more like “normal-inspiration”. Because I’m thinner than them.
Aches & Pains & Bruises
Posted in Uncategorized on December 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
I’m so, so tired. And deflated. Though I don’t feel deflated, I feel more inflated as in fat. I shouldn’t have eaten so much yesterday. Or I should’ve done more exercise. I did a workout at about half past one in the morning. It was quite good, but I couldn’t have my music up loud [...]
Quick Update
Posted in Uncategorized on December 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Just got off the scales and today’s grand total is… (drum roll please) 102 lbs! How many pounds till I’m happy? How many pounds till I’m thin? 4 more pounds till I’m happy. 4 more pounds and I win! I can’t stop now, not when I’m so close. That really would be failure. Let me [...]
Apprehension and anorexia?
Posted in Uncategorized on December 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Yes I’ve been going on pro-ana sites. Yes I have ana buddies. Yes I am restricting what I eat. But that doesn’t mean I have anorexia does it? Ana is dangerous, it’s a disease. I don’t have a disease. I’m fine. I feel fine. Just hungry. Yesterday morning I felt wonderful. I was walking the [...]
Today is the Day
Posted in Uncategorized on December 22, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
I just went down to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. And I saw my sister coming out with breakfast. And so while the kettle was boiling, I had to go to the fridge to get the milk (soon I’ll be switching to green tea – no milk) and there was so [...]
Waiting
Posted in Uncategorized on December 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
It seems like I spend my whole life waiting these days. I wish I was back at school, then I wouldn’t have to wait for the moments to crawl by. And I wouldn’t have to resist the temptation of eating so much either. At school, if you don’t take food with you, you have to [...]
